cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
