Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
