All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
