when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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