true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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