Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
