I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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