I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
