There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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