Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This is classic penis vs brain.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
