My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
