Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
