He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
