You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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