sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
