Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
