Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
