sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
