i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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