mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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