Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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