we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
