I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
