I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
