Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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