It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
