All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
