And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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