My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Randomize
