There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
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