First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
this hospital has no fireball
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
