You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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