I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i now understand why vodka
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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