bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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