Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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