For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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