Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
