walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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