Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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