real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I could fuck to npr.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
