girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
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We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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i now understand why vodka
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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