I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
