Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
