I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
