my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
