If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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