zippers are such a cool invention
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
