I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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