The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
