we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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