lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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