I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
