Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
