My underwear smells like fireworks.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
