dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
