the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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