You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
