Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
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I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
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I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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