The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
