I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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