My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
