i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
