Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
